When asking for what you need feels harder than staying silent
Relationship Therapy in Tampa, FL and throughout Florida & Texas for women navigating anxiety, people-pleasing, and the fear of being too much.
You desire connection.
You want honesty. Mutual effort. Emotional closeness.
But when it comes time to speak up, something tightens.
You rehearse what you’ll say.
You soften it.
You explain it before you even say it.
And sometimes… you decide it’s easier not to bring it up at all.
You tell yourself it’s not that big of a deal.
That you should be able to handle it.
That other people have more important things going on.
But the resentment builds quietly.
And so does the exhaustion.
When Your Needs Feel Like Too Much
If you’re used to being the strong one, asking for help can feel unnatural.
You might:
Apologize for having preferences
Over-explain your feelings so they make sense
Minimize what hurt you
Feel guilty when someone adjusts for you
Worry that needing something will change how you’re seen
It’s not that you don’t know how to communicate.
It’s that somewhere along the way, you learned your needs were negotiable.
Or inconvenient.
Or safer left unspoken. You might not even realize how quickly you edit yourself to keep things smooth. For many, this lesson began in childhood.
People-pleasing becomes the way you stay connected — even when it means abandoning yourself. The fear underneath is simple and painful:
If I ask for too much, I’ll lose connection.
This Isn’t About Becoming More Demanding
It’s about becoming more honest.
In therapy, we slow down and look at where this pattern started — not to assign blame, but to understand what once made sense.
You may have learned that:
Being low-maintenance kept the peace
Being self-sufficient avoided disappointment
Being agreeable kept you connected
Those strategies worked.
But now, they’re costing you the kind of relationships you actually want.
What Changes
You don’t suddenly become confrontational.
You become clearer.
You notice the urge to say “it’s fine” — and instead say how you’re truly feeling.
You express a need without over-justifying it.
You tolerate the discomfort of not managing someone else’s reaction or emotions.
You begin to trust that asking for support doesn’t make you difficult.
This makes the relationship more real.
And slowly, relationships begin to feel more mutual.
Less one-sided.
Less performative.
Less exhausting.
This isn’t assertiveness training.
It’s deeper than that.
We’ll explore the beliefs underneath your hesitation — the people-pleasing patterns, the fear of being too much, and the pressure to keep the peace at your own expense.
You don’t have to become less strong. You just don’t have to disappear to stay connected.
How I work
You don’t have to keep convincing yourself it doesn’t matter.
If you’re ready to stop shrinking to stay connected, reach out to begin.
FAQS
What others have wondered about asking for their needs
-
If you’ve learned to minimize your needs, it can feel uncomfortable to trust your reactions. You may second-guess whether something “really” bothered you or if you’re overreacting.
Part of this work is learning to pause before dismissing yourself.
Sensitivity isn’t the problem. Chronic self-doubt often is.
-
The truth is, it might.
When you shift a long-standing dynamic, especially one where you’ve been the easy or accommodating one, people may need time to adjust.
But someone being uncomfortable isn’t the same as you doing something wrong.
In therapy, we work on tolerating that discomfort without automatically retreating or over-explaining.
-
Many of the women I work with are deeply capable and self-sufficient.
The difficulty isn’t about communication skills. It’s about what asking represents.
For some, asking for support feels like losing control.
For others, it feels like risking connection.Needing something doesn’t make you less independent. It makes you human.
The goal isn’t dependence. It’s mutuality.
-
You can start by either
Self scheduling your free consultation HERE
Emailing me at erica@oceanwavescounseling.com
Calling me at 813-406-0525
More questions? Check out my FAQs page.
