When “Not Good Enough” Is Always in the Back of Your Mind
Therapy for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Struggling with Anxiety | Perfectionism | People-Pleasing | Low Self-Esteem
VIRTUAL THERAPY IN TAMPA AND THROUGHOUT FL & TX
You were taught that love had to be earned- that there was a tangible definition of “enough”
Being “good enough” meant staying quiet, staying small, and putting others first. That your emotions were too much, your needs were inconvenient, and your job was to make sure everyone else was okay.
Now, as an adult, you still live by these unspoken rules.
You’re allowed to change the rules
When raised by emotionally immature parents, anxiety can show up like:
You overthink everything.
You bend over backwards to avoid disappointing anyone
You hold yourself to impossible standards—and still feel like you’re falling short
You worry that if you stop trying so hard, everything will fall apart
Without realizing it, you’ve internalized a deep belief:
“If I just do everything right, maybe I’ll finally feel good enough.”
This belief can show up in many ways:
Perfectionism: Fear of failure, harsh inner critic, tying your worth to productivity or achievement
People-Pleasing: Difficulty saying no, avoiding conflict, feeling guilty for having needs
Low Self-Esteem: Struggling with self-doubt, feeling unworthy, constantly comparing yourself to others
High-Functioning Anxiety: Always appearing composed, while internally overwhelmed or on edge
These patterns made sense in a childhood where your emotional needs were unmet. But they’re not helping you now.
Therapy offers a space to unlearn those patterns—and finally start living for you.
Quieter inside—less overthinking, less self-criticism, more self-trust
More honest and authentic—you’re no longer editing yourself to make others comfortable
Freer from guilt—you can say no, set boundaries, and prioritize your own needs without shame
Less pressure to be perfect—you allow yourself to be human, not just “useful”
Rooted in real self-worth—not in how much you do for others, but in who you are
After working through these early dynamics, life can begin to feel:
Instead of constantly asking “Am I doing enough?” or “Am I too much?”, you begin to ask:
“What do I want? What do I need?”
You learn how to show up for yourself the way no one could when you were growing up.
And that changes everything.
FAQS
What others have wondered about therapy for anxiety
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If you grew up with an emotionally immature parent, you may have learned to stay hyper-alert—always scanning for mood shifts, conflict, or ways to stay safe. As an adult, this can turn into anxiety that never quite shuts off. Even when things are calm, your nervous system might still be on high alert, bracing for something to go wrong. Therapy can help you understand and calm that survival response.
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This behaviors often develop as a way to cope with unpredictable or critical parenting. If you believed love or approval depended on how well you performed, you may now tie your worth to achievement or doing everything “just right.” While perfectionism and people pleasing may have helped you feel in control as a child, it often fuels anxiety and burnout in adulthood. Therapy can help you shift to self-acceptance instead of self-pressure.
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Emotionally immature parents often made their children responsible for their feelings, leading you to believe your needs were selfish or “too much.” As an adult, this can show up as people-pleasing, difficulty saying no, and guilt anytime you consider prioritizing yourself. Therapy helps you unlearn these patterns, so you can care for others without abandoning yourself in the process.
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There are several ways to take the next step:
You can self schedule your free consultation by clicking HERE
You can email me at erica@oceanwavescounseling.com
You can call me at 813-406-0525
More questions? Check out my FAQs page.
